Loss, the Ego, Enlightenment, the Void, and Co-creation of Reality . by Alice B. Clagett

Filmed on 24 May 2015; published on 8 July 2015; revised and transcribed on 13 November 2015

    • Catastrophic Early Childhood Loss
    • An Example of Catastrophic Early Childhood Loss: Heart Vampire
    • Circle of One: The Sociopath, Psychopath, or Anti-Social Personality
      • Love Relationships: Seeking to Destroy the Other.
      • Iterations of Soul Wounding: Their True Purpose
    • Young Love Amongst Normals: Perfecting Dissociation from ‘Part Object’ Orientation
    • Sabotaging Body Elementals: Star-Crossed Love
    • Recap
      • Early Childhood Loss
      • Sense of Omnipresence of the Sociopath, versus that of the Empath
      • Divine Grace and Iterations of Soul Wounding
      • On Young Love and a Lesser Sense of Loss
      • On Returning the Heart Chakra to Full Functionality
      • The Current Age of Renewal, Regeneration, and New Creation
      • Star Memories versus the Duality Play
      • Ascension: An Unparalleled Sense of Loss
      • Courage and the Void
      • For Those Who Are ‘on the Fence’ with Regard to Ascension …

Dear Ones,

This video describes loss in various contexts, including:

  • Some general views from my reading of this excellent book: “Primitive Experiences of Loss Working with the Paranoid-Schizoid Patient” by Robert T. Waska, and also some information based on my clair hearing of astral stories, and intuitive understandings I have come to through clair hearing of these stories.
  • A notion that Ascension and Enlightenment experiences of clearing Soul wounding may also bring up a feeling of loss, as we integrate the full functioning of the heart chakra.
  • Integration, through grace, at a higher level of Awareness, where we are one with the Divine.
  • And there is a discussion of first love and first loss among well-adjusted young people as well, and on overcoming resultant reticence to dare to love again.

There is an edited Summary after the video …



Hello, Dear Ones, It’s Alice.

Catastrophic Early Childhood Loss

I was reading a very learned psychological treatise the other day; the topic was early childhood loss of comforting relationships, and a state of mind that they call paranoid-schizoid

Link: “Primitive Experiences of Loss: Working with the Paranoid-Schizoid Patient,” by Robert T. Waska, Counselor, LPCC, MFT, PhD … https://books.google.com.cy/books?id=nrxWbDqAB44C&printsec=copyright#v=onepage&q&f=false ..

I am not much for labels, but I did find interesting some of the insights that they had about the ego, and the way that it develops in early childhood. It seems that loss of comforting, sustaining relationships in early childhood causes certain ways of relating to the third dimension of reality ,,, that are very like what everyone else … all the the other egos in the world … are doing; but it is just slightly more exaggerated. So, what I learned was a lesson for me as well …

It was something like this … I am going to try; I am putting my own slant on this … Say, a baby is newborn. It sees things in a kind of cascade, without any labels … without any relational significance to its own needs … without any concept of parts being a whole (as in, a ‘whole person’, for instance, its mother).

But rather, one of the very first things is that there is a certain portion … of something … in its field of vision, that creates a sensation of fullness in its stomach, that is pleasing. And this is the very first, and a very important thing, that a child has to do, in order to stay alive: To bond with that instinct of suckling; that instinct of suckling and receiving milk.

So, very early on, the child becomes, in its visual field, attached to the look of that breast of its mother. And in addition, shortly thereafter, when its eyes clear, it begins to recognize a twinkle in her eye. And then the twinkle in her eye, and a smile on her lips, and the vision of her breast, and the feeling of fullness in the stomach which is pleasing.

So there are three of what this author calls ‘part objects’ that the child identifies with … visual objects: The eye, the smile, and the breast.

Over and over again, say, in the course of a year, the child sees the vision of these ‘part objects’, feels a pleasant sensation, and then experiences a sense of loss as the mom walks out of the room or goes about her work. It is a long time before the child begins to understand, through a process of give and take … of receiving something pleasant, and then losing that sensation of pleasantness … say, by the mom walking out of the room, something more than this.

Say 365 days, or however long … and the child begins to realize a sense of permanence there. And that sense of permanence is its experience of love. It begins to understand that the parts that it sees are actually a being … a Soul … part of a Soul that has a permanent relationship of give and take with itself; the beginning of societal or tribal bonding.

In the bottom of its mind, though, it still has these ‘part objects’, and on top of that … superimposed on that … is a new learning experience of a mature relationship with another being … Truly, a relationship of dependence at first; but as a child gets a little older … after the age of two, it starts to realize that it, itself, is an independent being with free will. So then it becomes a more mature relationship.

An Example of Catastrophic Early Childhood Loss: Heart Vampire

All right … So then, what the gentleman in the learned psychological treatise was talking about was early childhood loss of a comforting relationship. Let’s say that, in a worst case scenario, at the age of five the child flies into a tantrum and … as is often the case with young children … has been experimenting with matches, sets fire to the family home, and all the people, except for that child, are killed in the fire.

Where does that leave the child? The first sense is: Everyone that I loved is dead, and I killed them. And the second feeling … according to this understanding that I read about … is that of a kind of regression to the early infant stage of ‘part objects’, where the ego says: It is not possible; I could not have done that. And it returns to the older way of seeing things.

So then the ego of the young child begins to imagine that the people it sees are actually not people, but rather ‘part objects’: Parts of its whole ego. And going through life like this … with this misunderstanding of things … is kind of catastrophic from the point of view of societal expectations …

Circle of One: The Sociopath, Psychopath, or Anti-Social Personality

What happens then, for instance, is that the child will use and manipulate other people without regard for free will, because, in the child’s weltanschauung, the other people are merely part objects that are part of its own Self … for its own gratification. And when grown up, it will be treating people in the same way.

Love Relationships: Seeking to Destroy the Other. Further, when this young person reaches the point of reaching out, in a love relationship, it is not uncommon for this young person to relive the childhood trauma, and seek to destroy the person whom it loves, over and over again: To do the same thing with new ‘part objects’ … new lovers.

Iterations of Soul Wounding: Their True Purpose. Now this behavior is a reaching out of the Soul; their Soul is reaching out to remember the original wounding and come to a more mature understanding. It should, I feel, be understood in that light: As a longing of the Soul for healing … I say this in hopes that we understand that kind of behavior from the perspective of Soul healing and Soul love and Soul forgiveness.

Young Love Amongst Normals: Perfecting Dissociation from ‘Part Object’ Orientation

And also, I think it is important to understand that most everybody on Earth right now has, to some degree, some aspect of that ‘part object’ orientation. What often happens is that, even in living in a very secure home environment, on first love they will be anticipating some kind of enduring relationship similar to that which has existed, so far, with the natal family. But seldom is this the case.

In the case of first love … because the skills are not all there, for a mature relationship of romance … there is a process of beginning to learn those skills. And so, frequently, first love is a very intense and painful experience of complete identification, and then, complete loss: Loss of the ‘part object’ with which the young lover wholly identified his or her own ego.

Sabotaging Body Elementals: Star-Crossed Love

So what that leaves people with, is a sort of a feeling that, If they love, they will lose. Thus …  because of this experience of failed love; of failed romance …  there is a body elemental within most of us that says: I would like to find someone!

And then it says: But if I find someone, I will lose them. [laughs]

And this is, I feel, what Judy Satori calls ‘sabotaging behavior’. It is when we give our body elementals two instructions that contradict each other …

  • One comes from the conscious mind: I would like to find someone!
  • And the other comes from the unconscious mind: If I find someone, I will lose them.

Uh oh! But it is a very simple job to clear all that with our body elementals, because they are very programmable. They are very amenable; all they want to do, is what we ask them to do; to make us happy … Because, after all, they are our own thought forms. They are our own artificial elementals.

So what we do is we say to our body elemental: This is what I want!

And they say: Yeah?

And then we could say: I want the perfect romantic relationship for me, and I would like it to last for the rest of my life, or as long as we both want it to!

And they will say: Oh! Ok!

So … walking along that road … Heading in that direction … and looking forward with great enthusiasm to some teachings by Judy Satori on that topic … no doubt, along with language of Light activations …

Link: “Ascension Library” … https://www.ascensionlibrary.org/

We will see what comes up!

Wishing you all the perfect romantic relationship! Talk to you later.


Early Childhood Loss. To tie these threads together: First, I was talking about a situation of early childhood loss, when a person reverts to an early mental milieu in which there is a lack of understanding of integration; of the parts of the visual field as separate individuals … separate people from itself. In other words, because of a very overwhelming feeling of loss and guilt, the ego of the young child reverts to a notion that what it sees … and most significantly, the people that it sees … are just part of itself; that it is all that there is in the whole known Universe … That everything it sees is just an extension of itself.

Sense of Omnipresence of the Sociopath, versus that of the Empath. This is a feeling of omnipresence, in a way. It is a feeling that an empath gets; but in this case, it is not an empathic feeling, because the proper movement of the heart chakra energy has been injured somewhat, or wounded, by the sensation of overwhelming loss.

So the feeling of omnipresence, in this instance, has to do with extension of that heart energy … that wounded heart energy … into the situation of every person in the purview of that wounded child. The child will reflect that Soul wounding in everyone; in other words, to the sociopathic child, everyone will seem to reflect his or her own Soul wounding.

In the case of a sociopathic person who is clairvoyant … that person will see, on the clair realm, people in the astral realm, in such a way that they seem to be reflecting that early childhood wounding.

Divine Grace and Iterations of Soul Wounding. The Divine purpose of this is, to allow the Soul to clear that energy and return to proper heart energy functioning.

So God, if you will … the Divine Grace in one’s life … is ever bringing to the Awareness the notion … the understanding … the re-enactment of that wounding, for the sole purpose of allowing the Soul to return to a full state of unconditional love. That is the reason for that.

The reasoning is not to injure, over and over again. It is a very compassionate God that allows this to happen. But the result … if we do not pay attention to our Soul learning, our incarnational learning, is further Soul wounding.

So … Now is the time for everyone to look at what is transpiring in the world … right in front of us … right now. That is the thing that needs clearing. That is the thing that needs healing: Anything that hurts. Anything that feels like suffering.

On Young Love and a Lesser Sense of Loss. So, that is to do with clearing from early childhood loss. And then the next thing that I talked about had to do with lesser sensations of loss of love, that most people do go through, in their first love experience: They tend to experience, to a lesser extent, the type of loss that that author was describing.

On Returning the Heart Chakra to Full Functionality. And so, their own experience, as they go through life, will be the experience of relationships that are incomplete.

And the purpose is the same: The Divine Grace, the Divine intention, if you will, is exactly the same: To allow that person to integrate the energy of full heart chakra functioning. So it is not like God punishing us; it is more like God reminding us that there is this work to do … That it is our job to do it … And, if we should ask, allowing us the Grace to accomplish it.

The Current Age of Renewal, Regeneration, and New Creation. Well, so, one thing that I forgot, and that I will mention now …

Technically, Ascension already occurred in 2012, and now we are in an age of Renewal and Regeneration and New Creation, As we become aware of all that … of how much things have changed … we are learning to use those tools.

It seems like the plant life and the animal life, and even the rocks of Earth have figured it out! Certainly the waters of New Creation are there for us to take in and transform our own being with! But we humans have mental filters that are taking their time to catch up! So the Noosphere is taking a while to catch up.

And a lot of it has to do with these experiences of loss of love.

Star Memories Versus the Duality Play. We came from the stars; we came from a situation in which love was everywhere. You did not have to look far, for a being that could meet your heart energy with its own heart energy fully open and complete.

There was no such thing as loss of the sort that we experience in the third dimension. We decided to do this great Duality experience, and … Poom! … Here we were on Earth! And most likely, the very first experience we had was an experience of loss, when we opened our eyes as newborns. Quite a shock! [laughs]

And then, on top of that, the kind of shock of which that author spoke. The shock of new love lost, of first love lost: A terrible experience, really. I mean, after the experience, and after many years of romantic love experiences, we tend to look back and say: Oh, first love! Like that …

But it is not like that at all; it is a very difficult experience to go through, for every young child. We forget how gruesome it is! And so: First love; that loss!

Ascension: An Unparalleled Sense of Loss. And here, now (to get to the final point that I was attempting to make) … Here, now, in this process of Ascension … of becoming aware of what has already happened, the ego is faced with a loss like no other … Unparalleled loss. The loss of everything known. The loss of the third dimension; the loss of the physicality as being true. The sense that everything is nothing but illusion. The very scary sense … a sense of lack of safety … intrinsic in the notion that we can create whatever we want as reality. These things are very difficult.

It is the loss of the mother again. It is the loss of the mother that is everything familiar; that is everything we have ever experienced in the way of comfort … as well as discomfort.

Courage and the Void. It is the willingness to stand in the space where there is nothing, with the understanding that there will be … do psychologists call it an ‘integration’? … That, for sure, what will follow is Grace. And what will result is something far more beautiful than anything we have ever known before, in the third dimension.

And which we remember, from those times where we were one with the Divine. We were more One than we can imagine, right now, with the presence that is complete love, complete joy, complete peace. These things are coming back to us now.

It takes bravery to stand in the face of this. And what we, on the clair plane, are experiencing … amongst those set forth as the ‘first wave’ of Ascension .. is a similar disintegration of ego … ‘part’ identification of objects … in facing this catastrophic egoic loss, this ego terror, this territoriality and this hostility of ego … that are hallmarks of what we considered to be ‘I’ in the past. These things all come up. And they set us apart from the rest of the world.

Almost all people are categorizing and labeling almost everything other than themselves as wrong and bad, and in some cases, are making all kinds of judgment calls. And that has to do with the scariness of this moment in time.

For Those Who Are ‘on the Fence’ with Regard to Ascension … I know many of you, out there, are on the fence with regard to Ascension. It is true? Or is it just a figment?

So what I am asking of you right now … if you are clair, and if you are troubled by the noospheric chaos at this moment … is to consider the possibility that these theories that I put forth today could fill the bill … Could step into that gap between the past known, and the current Void, and the future that will be what we create, which will then be known.

See if maybe the difficulty with what Tom Kenyon …

Link: “Tom Kenyon,” https://tomkenyon.com/ … Search the term: cognitive dissonance

… calls the ‘cognitive dissonance’ in the noosphere today … has to do with ego loss; great loss of comforting relationships, and maybe a regression to what has been labeled what it is labeled [smiles] … a momentary regression of the ego to a very young, infantile understanding of the Universe, preparatory to gathering that courage to step into the void, and into New Creation. [waves goodbye]


Here are a few ways to heal the heart after experiences of romantic loss:

  • Reprogram sabotaging body elementals (as described in the video).
  • And for romantic or nurturing loss, or to heal the heart of the cognitive dissonance of the noosphere, I recommend going to Judy Satori’s website https://www.ascensionlibrary.org/ and searching the term: Kuan Yin   … or … Quan Yin

You will find other good heart healing meditations elsewhere on the internet as well.

In love, light and joy,
I Am of the Stars


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