Tag Archives: desperation

Thoughts on the Controllers, True Power, Lightwork, and a Truer Reality . by Alice B. Clagett

Published on 12 September 2013; revised

  • The Machinations of the Controllers
  • True Power Resides in the Heart
  • Controllers Undermine Our Compassion with Religious Castration Malware
  • Lightworkers Infected with Castration Malware Are Afflicted with Hatred and Other Negative Emotions
  • On Fighting Social Injustice While Still in a State of Ego
    • A Story about Duck Hunting
    • Why Don’t We Notice Our Shadow?
    • Does the Act of Fighting Social Injustice Light Up the Heart?
  • Shall We Sacrifice Our Hearts to Conserve Goodness and Light?
  • Dynamics of the Illusion of Duality
    • The Vesica Piscis
    • Duality: I and Other
  • Alice’s Perilous Tales: Memories of Homeworld Destruction … Planet Maldek?
  • On Turning Fear of Social Isolation into an Advaita Experience
  • On Being at Peace with Things as They Are

Dear Ones,


Through entirely unintentional clairaudient eavesdropping, I’ve found in the last few years, to my dismay, that the Controllers are quite intelligent, and quite versed in human motivation. They have devious ways of using our innate human tendencies so as to take our true power away from us. I’ve described a few of the things I’ve discovered about their mode of operation below, with a view to sidestepping their machinations. These ideas may seem pretty radical to you. At least, they did to me.


My first thought is this: True power resides in the heart, and not in the navel point. The power of the heart is not Power Over Others, but the power to recognize our true nature. Our true nature is Love. When we align with our true nature, the power of all that is resides in us. So, if I want to sidestep these powerful Controllers, the only solution is to feel my heart. To feel love, gratitude, appreciation, and the like … no matter what is coming down in the illusion, no matter what drama appears to be unfolding. And even when my survival instinct is shouting: “Duck and cover! Get out the guns! Women and children, head for the hills!” And so on…


Many spiritual people live their lives in kindness and compassion, in service to others. The Controllers know about this tendency, and have developed a ploy that is exerted through organized religion, and that has to do with negative concepts about the sex drive … what in the 4D world are visualized as images of genital mutilation broadcast through the unconscious thought cloud of the world during our nightly dreamtime.

This nightly broadcasting of thoughts abhorrent to the vital body has had its effect on the world’s religions. At this moment in time, I would be hard pressed to find a religion … Judaism being one exception I can think of … that doesn’t promote negativity about the sexual act.  Some religions even go so far as to say that complete celibacy is the only true spiritual path.

What does this mental distortion of our basic sexual urge and need do? It shuts down our second chakra, our powerhouse of creativity as it is expressed in the world. It shuts off the flow of loving energy from Mother Earth to our heart. And so it deprives us of our Heart toroid energy, through which we might otherwise identify with Prime Creator and co-create the New Reality.


Consequently, in the world today, we have many spiritual people who believe they should live their lives in kindness and compassion, in service to others, and yet their hearts are full of hatred, petty spite, cruelty, jealousy, and greed. Why? Because the distortion of their sexual drive has cut off the natural flow of Earth energy, and the fourth chakra, the Heart, has quite naturally inverted. No longer the positive Powerhouse of energy … it has turned negative.

It’s simply impossible to live our lives in service to others unless we serve our own hearts first and foremost. If we have mental ideas that shut down our Divine heart energy, it’s up to us to clear those ideas. When those negative ideas are cleared, the Controllers will … trust me on this! … have no way to grasp and manipulate us. None at all.

Last night at meditation some other things became clear to me. I hope I’ll be able to convey them clearly, as they go very deep in the fabric of 3D reality.


Many lightworkers have a long history … incarnation after incarnation … of battling darkness. Deeply ingrained in their being is this value of saving the world from darkness. And more specifically, of rescuing people from darkness.  What, you might be thinking, could be wrong with this? At least, that’s what I thought.

A Story about Duck Hunting

Think of it like this. You’re at Pastorius Reservoir on a sunny Saturday morning. Weekends and Wednesdays are hunting days at the reservoir, and you’re a hunter, so there you are at one of the rickety duck blinds among the cattails on the north shore of the reservoir, with your hunting rifle and your hunting dog, and your hunter’s camouflage cap. You’re all set to shoot a few ducks and take them home to the wife for dinner.

You’re looking at the ducks sitting peacefully in the water, you’re thinking of the good of your family, whether the dog will misbehave and scare off the dinner, and a million other things. You calculate the angle of the sun and doublecheck whether your rifle is loaded. The only thing you fail to notice is how the bright sunlight is casting your own shadow like a little puddle of darkness behind you, and attached to your feet.

Image: Duck hunter aiming a gun: http://wdfw.wa.gov/hunting/waterfowl/graphics/sm_duck_hunters_blind.jpg ..

Why Don’t We Notice Our Shadow?

Why don’t we notice the darkness that is attached to us? Ego, which supports all these zillion thoughts of the mental mind, prevents it. It shapes our thoughts in the interests of the groups we adhere to, whether it be a family … as in the case of the hunter … or a religious group, or any kind of group at all.

Does the Act of Fighting Social Injustice Light Up the Heart?

Now imagine that you’re a Lightworker, and each duck is a social injustice, and you’re a member of a group that believes in fighting social injustice. So bringing home the ducks will fulfill your need for group approval.

Image: Duck hunter wading through marsh, duck in hand; hunting dog is following behind: http://www.dailyrepublic.com/files/2011/05/aDuckClub-copy.jpg ..

But will it light up the Powerhouse of your heart? No. It will fill your heart with savage exultation, and imprint your mind with a tendency to future cruel acts. And what is the true source of the social injustices? Not the ducks floating on the water, but the shadow at your feet.

It is our very desire to fit in with the groups we cherish that the controllers are using to subvert our Heart energy and cloud our thinking. To turn us from Love to savagery, war, cruelty, and hatred.


Now let’s change the scene. Let’s imagine you’re still at the duck blind at Pastorius Reservoir, same ducks, same shadow, but sans the rifle and the dog. You’re a conservationist, and you’re observing the behavior of these endangered ducks, with an aim to increasing their numbers and helping them thrive in a hostile world. This is another aspect of the Lightworker lineage: Conserving the Ducks. It’s gruelling work, but you’re in good company.

Image: Hunters up to their necks in water, with ducks swimming nearby: http://hosted-hunts.com/files/2014/04/preview-2.jpg ..

If there’s anything the Controllers would like to subvert, it’s the energy of Lightworkers, because they’ve been here for such a long time, and they’re so very close to realizing their true natures as Love. So the Controllers are pleased to see many of us Lightworkers at the duck blind, possibly cold and shivering, up to their necks in water. Not following their hearts and living their passion, but rather, bound down to a concept of duty … Whiling away their lives trying to make the world a better place.

What’s wrong with this?, I used to say. Surely this is why I’m on Earth.


The Vesica Piscis

Bill Ballard (1) was talking recently about the vesica piscis. He said that when Prime Creator decided to create the multiverse, he started with a vesica piscis. From one point, the Creator became two.

Duality: I and Other

In the picture below, imagine that one circle (‘point’) is ‘I’ … Prime Creator. Or you might say, in a 3D fragmented sense, I … my Lightworker Ego. I, Saver of Ducks. Or Hunter of Ducks, as the case may be….

The other sphere is all Creation, in the deepest sense. And in the 3D sense, it’s the ducks at Pastorius Reservoir, in whatever way my mind may be perceiving them … something to shoot down, or something to save. Or in the case of the Creator: a new way to experience Joy.

Image: “Vesica Piscis,” by Daniel B. Holean, http://www.awakenvisions.com/gallery1/VesicaPiscis.jpg ..

The interesting thing about this picture is the heart-like space in the middle, where the circles intersect. It’s as if the heart of the Creator, or in our case the great Powerhouse of our own human hearts, has been displaced from its center outward. It is this displacement of awareness toward the front of the human aura that creates the sense of duality. Awareness in 3D consists of an egoic interplay between the thought of ‘I’ and the thought of ‘Other.’

We can think of an energy flow from our own heart … which would be represented by the dot in the center of the ‘I’ circle below … to the heart of an object extraneous to ourselves … which would be the dot in the center of the ‘Other’ circle. In the world of duality, the energy flow … from ‘I’ to ‘other’ and back again … happens a zillion times a second for every object on which our mental mind places awareness:

Image: “Two red circles overlapping at center of each circle.” The center of one circle is labeled ‘I’ and the center of the other circle is labeled ‘Other’. There is a two-headed arrow in the area of overlap between the two centers; the arrow is labeled ‘my awareness’. Red circles and center dots are adapted from “Circle and Its Center,” by Zorgit, 2008, public domain; adaptation by Alice B. Clagett,  12 September 2013, CC BY-SA 4.0. –from “Thoughts on the Controllers, True Power, Lightwork, and a Truer Reality,” by Alice B. Clagett, in “I Am of the Stars,” https://www.iamofthestars.com

Image: “Two red circles overlapping at center of each circle.” The center of one circle is labeled ‘I’ and the center of the other circle is labeled ‘Other’. There is a two-headed arrow in the area of overlap between the two centers; the arrow is labeled ‘my awareness’. Red circles and center dots are adapted from “Circle and Its Center,” by Zorgit, 2008, public domain; adaptation by Alice B. Clagett,  12 September 2013, CC BY-SA 4.0

What’s wrong with this picture? The difficulty is that our awareness is flowing off-center and outward to a fictional mental construct, something ‘other than’ the Divine I AM.

. . . . .


Last night, during meditation, as in many meditations past, I could feel my physical body being jerked forward, again and again, into a momentary state of unconsciousness, drawn forward into the Awareness of another being. Each time I jerked upright, into conscious awareness, my Awareness recentered in my heart. I kept thinking, “Just cut this cord with the Other! Just be You, in your own centered awareness!”

Each time I thought that, I was overcome by a feeling of anxiety. I saw a vision of the planet I was observing from a space vehicle, aeons ago, exploding in the night sky. Everyone and everything I ever knew or loved, annihilated in one single moment of unimaginable destruction. With the exception of the being who then stood beside me, observing from space, a fellow freedom fighter, born Maldekian whereas I was of Venutian lineage … a being whose Lightworker destiny has been interwoven with mine down through the interminable aeons since that time.

To whom has my heart unconsciously reached out, again and again? To the only other survivor of that catastrophe. One whom I met again, here on Earth, a little over a decade ago. The only known constant in all my incarnations as a Lightworker.


In my subconscious mind, through the long incarnations, this other being had come to represent my overarching concept of Other. During the meditation, when I tried to stop the jerking back and forth of my awareness, I was overwhelmed by a vast sense of loss … the loss of my home world and all the beings in it. This remembered feeling of utter desperation, of darkest despair, of utter failure in my mission would drive me into an unconscious state.

The accompanying thought was: If I cease the flow of awareness, back and forth from me to this other being, then for sure that being will die. And all I have ever loved will have wilted and died at my hand, through my failure to protect them all. My family! My friends! My world! All gone, gone forever….

There’s no getting around it. This was some pretty heavy subconscious stuff-and-nonsense. But finally, in light of God that filled the meditation room, I summoned the courage to stop the outward–inward flow. And to my utter astonishment, it turned out that the other being … and all this New World as well … far from passing away … now existed within my own heart … and not in some desperate outside drama of times past or the transformation that this new world … Earth … my new home, is now going through.


It came to me in a flash. There is no need to shoot anyone down. No need to save anyone. Everything is all right, just as it is! Wild but true.

Image: “The Treasure Within” by Mary Southard. This is a beautiful art piece depicting a woman with long, flowing hair, tenderly encircling Earth: http://www.marysouthardart.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/We-Hold-a-Treasure-The-Treasures-Witihin-3-1024×797.jpg ..

So it seems there is much to love and cherish, but all within the context of the great I AM. Who is loving and cherishing? God does that work. What is my role in all this?  

My role is to be quiet, and offer myself with calmness and confidence, for service to the God. To trust that God will guide me. Stay centered in my heart. Know that the ducks of this 3D world, and the shadow beneath my 3D feet, are not the Real Deal. Far from it. What’s really happening? Me, my heart, and the Divine Will.

. . . . .

In love, light and joy,
I Am of the Stars


(1) This is a totally cool video …

Video: “Integrating Lord Metatron with Meline LaFont,” by Bill Ballard, 1 September 2013, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCCnpxhscSg ..


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