Written and published on 31 July 2015; revised on 2 December 2018
- THE PSYCHOLOGY OF BEING NAGGED
- MALE VIOLENCE AND NAGGING BY WIVES
- WHAT TO DO ABOUT BEING NAGGED?
- THE KARMA OF BEING NAGGED
- THE HYENA’S DAUGHTER . AND OTHER VIVID STORIES
- PROFESSIONAL ADVICE ON BEING NAGGED
- NAGGING, FROM THE STANDPOINT OF AN INNOCENT OBSERVER (ME)
- ON BEING THE VICTIM OF CLAIR SADOMASOCHISM
- FURTHER AGGRAVATION
- A MESSAGE TO THE BOTH OF YOU
- THE FARMER, THE DEVIL, AND THE SCOLDING WIFE
Image: Black-and-white sketch of the head of a feral-looking woman, transforming in about four stages into the head of a hyena; from “The Hyena’s Daughter,” by Simon Roy … https://40.media.tumblr.com/8ba67ac8ab7a46cf3462a4c2059d7391/tumblr_inline_nm6un4Ep4X1qzcbft_540.jpg .. (1)
As you may know, I have been studying the Book of Revelation in the Bible. In chapter 1, there is quite a striking vision that John the Divine had on the Isle of Patma. Highlights …
10 “I was in the Spirit on the Lord’s day, and heard behind me a great voice, as of a trumpet …
12 “And I turned to see the voice that spake with me. And being turned, I saw seven golden candlesticks; …
16 “And he had in his right hand seven stars: and out of his mouth went a sharp two edged sword: and his countenance was as the sun shineth in his strength.” –Revelation 1, KJV (public domain)
I am guessing that this great and shining presence had a two-edged sword in his mouth because he had learned to counter a nagging wife. (Not really, just a humorous thought….) There is a lesson here. How can a man be strong and shining if he suffers a nagging wife, anyway? What can more wear down a man’s spirit than a scornful attitude in his one and only?
THE PSYCHOLOGY OF BEING NAGGED
And what to do about it? If you speak up, she might kick you out. There is always that chance. And with some women, it is a sure and certain outcome of a man speaking up for himself and holding his own.
What can I say? Clearly, this woman must be physically exceptionally beautiful. Clearly, the husband must harbor some hint of a doubt that he will ever measure up.
And what if she does kick you out? Do you feel there is no one in the world like her? Or do you feel, like her, that you could walk right out that door and find the new love of your life waiting for you?
If you meet a wife’s scorn and derision with an open heart and that ‘sensitive man’ thing … If, for instance, you say to her: When you nag me, I feel like curling up in a ball and crying … what will be her response? Being totally lacking in compassion and empathy, she will go for your jugular. For certain sure.
MALE VIOLENCE AND NAGGING BY WIVES
I saw on youtube just now a story about a husband whose wife was nagging him about a parking ticket. He ‘lost it’ and ‘acted out’ … which is to say, he ran over her. Twice. Then, leaving her body in the driveway, he went inside the house and took a nice, quiet nap.
What struck me most about the video was the smiles on the faces of the reporters who heard the story. They found it pretty funny.
Which, by my lights, points up the likelihood, in a nagged man, of acting out through violence, either toward his wife, or, if that is too scary, toward those he perceives as not so scary.
From this, I feel it is important to look for a solution to the nagging scenario, so that the urge to act out through violence will not crop up in the man’s subconscious over and over again. This will prevent social action against the man, in the form of a jail sentence or the like.
Men, it is important to understand that you are the wronged party in this instance. An abusive relationship is an abusive relationship, whether it is a man or a woman who is doing the abusing. The thing to do is to take the necessary steps to resolve the issue before violence occurs.
WHAT TO DO ABOUT BEING NAGGED?
Here you are. For the sixth time today, she speaks to you with scorn and derision ringing in her voice … Or, and this is a favorite of the nagging woman, she speaks to your friends about you … typically, in your presence … with scorn and derision. What to do?
For sure, like meets like. If you counter with scorn and derision, that will stop her in her tracks. Tell her how much your friends dislike her for her nagging. Tell her she is the lowest of the low. Close your heart like hers is closed. At least the blood flow will stop. But will you have a marriage? I dunno.
Here is a clue: If you or your spouse want rough sex, what does that mean? It means one or the other of you, or both, has a habit of thinking cruelly towards love and the lover.
What to do, then? There is always the possibility of getting counselling. If you leave her before working on your own response mechanisms, you are going to run into the same problem again and again, probably with increasing ferocity, till the issue of your own response is solved. Which is ok, too.
THE KARMA OF BEING NAGGED
That is just the way karma works. It is how Soul wounding gets resolved. God does this ‘ratchet up’ thing till we finally take notice, take action, and fix the hitch in our etheric net.
Keeping in mind, God is not a sadist. It is the lovers we attract into our lives who have that quality, when we have that ‘not worthy’, ‘not enough love in the world for me’ malware installed in the ether speak.
So God contrives this movie we call ‘reality’ … simply as a means of helping us clear our Souls of the wounding. God is love. God is the great healer.
THE HYENA’S DAUGHTER . AND OTHER VIVID STORIES
Speaking of movies, there is a comic strip conjured up by a guy who clearly has the ‘nag me’ bug … “The Hyena’s Daughter” (story and art by Simon Roy). This is a story about a woman who horrifically transforms into a hyena (1) …
Image: black-and-white sketch of an Amazon-type woman walking along with a pack of hyenas, from “The Hyena’s Daughter,” by Simon Roy … https://41.media.tumblr.com/df923e619b4af841bf00f67181e371cc/tumblr_inline_nm6ul5P00R1qzcbft_540.jpg ..
Who needs this kind of story line? Here is one that is more fun … the first part is the part about rough sex and nagging. Then it presents some alternatives, such as … go figure! … compliments … ?!
Video: “Star Trek Funny Love Scenes,” by ZeroRamzes, 8 January 2008 … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2IHx2Ts57E ..
Here is a song about a wife’s nagging habit …
Video: “The Nagging wife song – Belated Valentine – DJ Electro Swingable Mashup mix,” by ElectroSwingable, 12 February 2017 … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUCJrKI37V8 ..
Here is a lady named Dawndee … who strikes me as the epitome of the nagging personality (sorry, Dawndee!) … with her justification for nagging. Which I have heard from others…
Video: “Nag! Nag! Nag!” by DawndeeDALLAS, 7 July 2009 … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UePc9-IELzM ..
The trouble I have with this is, who appointed her to be the person who figures out who should do what in the marriage? What about the guy’s ideas on what he wants from the woman? Where is his voice, telling her what he wants from her? I just do not get it!
PROFESSIONAL ADVICE ON BEING NAGGED
Here is Jim Marshall, a professional counselor with a thought on ending the torture …
Video: “Relationship Advice – The Nagging Wife Solution,” by James Marshall, 15 August 2011 … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYyShopRAhQ ..
And here is another expert opinion …
Video: “How to Deal with a Nagging Wife,” by Full Frontal Fatherhood, 26 February 2016 … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PmQUP_50Cs ..
My thought is, this might be a good way to start. She probably thinks you never listen to her. So, prove that you are listening …
Here is Dr. Dar Hawks counselling on nagging …
Video: “Dr. Dar – Dealing with a nagging wife,” by Dr. Daw Hawks, 1 Jul y2011 … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EddKmmCWNDE ..
Seems pretty similar: Listen … then clarify. Negotiate a timeline. It mentions how men retreat in the face of wifely trouble … How it might help to respond verbally instead. Especially to a woman’s expectation that You’re in love with me. You should know what I’m thinking. What??
So Dr. Dar says, when confronted with what she calls ‘nonspecificity’, a husband might try to get clarification. For example, he might ask: What’s going on with you? What can I do to help you feel better in this moment?
NAGGING, FROM THE STANDPOINT OF AN INNOCENT OBSERVER (ME)
I have had my own unforgettable moments in the presence of a woman nagging her husband. Never before having had that experience … in my own significant other relationships or among my friendships, I was at a near total loss for words. However, I did finally (after multiple nagging wife syndrome exposures) cough up: I don’t think you should be mean to your husband like that. To which the response, the next day, was: Who are you to tell me howI should be with my husband? Dee ah duh … What do I say now?
So then on another occasion, I got together with them again. First thing, she said: By the way, my husband and I have talked it over, and we both agree, you don’t have any right to talk to me that way. Dee ah duh … What way? said I. To which she said: What I mean is, you have no right to tell me how to talk to my husband. He’s my husband. This has nothing to do with you.
I am speechless here. The wife is a nagging verbal abuser. The husband, by her account, agrees that this is his cup of tea. She thinks this has nothing to do with me.
What did I not say, here? I did not say: When I hear her cruel tongue, my heart shrinks to the size of a wizened walnut. And guys, if you hear this, just know it is not an invitation to renew our friendship. Not in the least. Cruelty is not my cup of tea.
ON BEING THE VICTIM OF CLAIR SADOMASOCHISM
And on the clair plane, not only did this woman for several years horrify me with hatred during the act of sex with her husband… This was not enough for her. She looked for a single woman, such as me, to torture on the clair plane during the day, when her husband is not readily at hand to be nagged.
So all day for several years, she tortured me with clair demands for sadomasochistic sexual daydreams … what she termed innocent ‘flirting’ … which is to say, cruel thoughts of sex. Then, during casual acts of sex-for-pay, she would imaging she was performing sadistic sexual acts with me. She being the sadist, and me the masochist.
Woman! Look this straight in the eye: You are a sex worker. Be with who you are with! If you cannot stand it, give it up.
To ante up, when the couple performed the act of sex, they would wait till I was asleep. Then as the wife poured her cruelty out into the husband’s open heart, he would try to snag my ‘desire elemental’ [see my blog category: Desire elementals ] … which is ever wakeful even when I am in dreamland … as a safe haven for his expression of sexual love.
The desire elemental has a limited intelligence. It has the will to survive. And an avid interest in desire. It can talk, too, on the clair plane, through the means of the intestinal neural network. And so, the husband has this recurring daydream, while having sex with what his unconscious mind conceives to be a ‘hyena woman’ … of having sex with me instead. Which he verifies through what he hears from my desire elemental while I am asleep.
Guy! I am not the person you are having sex with. I am not my desire elemental. It is just a little body elemental, a little thought form that zings in on the desire world. And you know very well, when I am wide awake, I change my own mind to a different thought train whenever you start to indulge in this daydream. Face the facts, and face your fears. Look the person you are with in the eye when you have sex. If you cannot stand it, find yourself someone else.
A MESSAGE TO THE BOTH OF YOU
It’s not ‘rough sex’ you are dreaming of. It is sadomasochism.
It is not a variant of the norm. It is a samskara that you carry, a karmic miasmic distortion, a wounding of the Soul.
Outa my life, dudes! Deal with it. Horrify me no longer. If you want friends, check it out! … Open your hearts to a loving relationship with your spouse.
THE FARMER, THE DEVIL, AND THE SCOLDING WIFE
Video: “The Farmer’s Nagging Wife,” by Paul Clayton – Topic, 12 April 2014 … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5NJ4H8IlE0 ..
In love, light and joy,
(well ok, less so at this moment)
I Am of the Stars
See also … Link: “Compendium: Dylan Redwine Murder Mystery,” by Alice B. Clagett, published on 22 February 2020; revised on 23 April 2020 … https://wp.me/p2Rkym-gz4 ..
(1) For more on For more on this, see …
Link: “The Refutation of the Primitive, and the Exaltation of the Fantastic in Simon Roy and Jason Wordie’s Tiger Lung,” by Sarah Horrocks, 2 April 2015 … https://mercurialblonde.wordpress.com/2015/04/02/the-refutation-of-the-primative-and-the-exaltation-of-the-fantastic-in-simon-roy-and-jason-wordies-tiger-lung/ ..
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